The Decline of Polite Society

I rue the demise of a polite society. Not because I abhor rudeness. Those who know me know I live to make people uncomfortable. No, it’s because of the time, effort, and general displays of idiocy that ensue.

By way of explication:
I don’t like brie cheese. I don’t like it straight, I don’t like it on toast, I don’t like it baked on bread. Just don’t like it. In a polite society, someone could ask me if I liked brie and I could just say no and leave it at that, perhaps with my interlocutor saying, “Oh, that’s unfortunate.” Instead, I get asked, “Oh my gaaawwwwd, why not? It’s the best thing eeeeever! How can you not like it?” Oh, I’m sorry dearie, I didn’t realize it was so divine. Thank you for pointing out that my taste buds and my own preferences are sick and wrong and how vastly superior yours are. I bow before your massive ego and tremendous sense of self-importance.

And then I’m forced to respond. And it goes something like this. “I don’t like brie ’cause it tastes like cum.” And it does. It’s all the flavor and grossness of a blowjob without having a person you like up there to receive it and reciprocate. And then the interlocutor gets all offended, like “Oh my God, I can’t believe you just said that.” Well, hon, you let the rudeness cat out of the bag, I’m just making you regret that you did it. And as a side bonus, I’m ensuring that YOU’LL NEVER EAT BRIE AGAIN CAUSE YOU’LL THINK ABOUT CUM WHENEVER YOU TRY. WAHAHAHAHAHA.

Same goes for grapefruit. It smells like a rimjob tastes. And don’t give me bullshit about taste being different from smell. THEY’RE THE SAME SENSE, DIFFERENT APPLICATION. Ask an ENT. So yes, grapefruit is like a wet, slimy rimjob without a person you love on the receiving end to make it all worth it (and if you’re giving rimjobs to people you don’t actually love, you’re a sick sick human being. Blowjob for a trick, sure. Rimjob, not on your life).

So before you let your massive ego loose on unsuspecting members of society, think of this warning ask if I really want to suffer the consequences of being an insufferable prick if the person I offend happens to be smarter and quicker on their feet than you.


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