Notes and Addenda

1. To you people who wear polo shirts with the collar up. Stop. There are two possible reasons why you would do such a thing:
• You think you look good and/or cool
• You think you look rebellious

To address bullet 1: you don’t look good or cool. You look like a douchebag that can’t dress himself.
To address bullet 2: it’s impossible to look rebellious in a $90 shirt of the Establishment that your parents bought you.

Thank you for your attention,
The Fashion Police

In other news, some friends and I spent Saturday night at the cabin, the first time anyone has spent the night there in over five years. I had to mop and clean up the larger piles of rat turds, but it was great fun. We made a fire and burnt some of the cords and cords of wood that we have up there from all the trees that have fallen down. We tried unsuccessfully to clean and fill the kerosene lamps, but made do with burning the other candles. The plumbing even worked, although the hot water heater did not. It sort of interferes with your enjoyment of the coolest shower in the world when the water’s fresh from having run off the snowpack. But it is the coolest shower in the world. Unique and lovely tiles that form a large, deep tub, redwood panelling surrounding the shower (and the whole bathroom), and mom’s stained glass window in the rear of the shower allowing light in that refracts the colors of the trees around you. Boo-ti-ful.

In case you hadn’t noticed, I have a thing for showers. Not sexual (although that is a lovely element of the shower experience…). Well-designed showers and bathrooms can made my day or even an entire vacation. The one at the cabin is probably my favorite, what with the sentimentality of having been built by my family. Other notable showers include the one at Vanessa’s beach house in Ponte Vedra Beach, FL. We stayed there on our way to Key West on our spring break (see below). The shower was a thing of beauty to behold. No doors (always a plus), just a longish hallway that turns a left-hand corner into a spacious, beige marble-tiled area with a huge (frosted) window to the outdoors on one side and one of those enormous rain-making showerheads about 10 feet up. The natural light, as well as the intense rain-like flow, coupled with the large space make it feel like you’re showering in a waterfall. Very natural and sensual.

At the opposite end from nature-echoing is the shower on the 3rd floor of Mike’s former NYC townhouse. As a result of his family purchasing the various apartments in the building picemeal and slowly combining them into a single townhouse, you find bathrooms and kitchens in unexpected places. This particular bathroom is right off the main sitting room with the projection TV. It’s green marble, also spacious, with glass doors that don’t visually separate you from the rest of the room. You can see straight through to the mirror (which is oddly pleasing in a vain way), and it also has one of those rain-maker showerheads. This one must have had the water-saver thingie removed, cause it had enough force to fill the shower with spray and instantly turn the room into a vaguely sauna-esque experience. Quite lovely. I walked down from the fifth floor where my room was for two days in a row just to experience this shower.

Someday when I’m rich and full of vanity (as opposed to just being full of vanity), I want to design my own house, probably a weekend or summer home, with all sorts of wonderful features that may or not make sense to other people. Most obviously related to the above will be that it will have awesome bathrooms. I hate houses with bathrooms that are clearly an afterthought and placed willy-nilly about the house. Second, the house will have three porticos. One in the east, one in the west, and one in the south. The one in the east will have Ionic columns, the one in the west will have Doric, and the one in the south will have Corinthian. There’s gotta be a secret passage or two as well. Ma grew up in a house with a secret passageway, and I think it’d be the coolest thing in the world to have your own little private passageways, maybe even a secret room or something for hiding the wine or the porn. Some other little repeated details would be nice, such as roses or triangles scattered about like Hidden Mickeys at Disneyland, providing a pastime for people to hunt them down.

Ah, it’s nice to fantasize about what I’d do with money, since I’ll likely never make any working as a teacher or for non-profits my whole life. Curse this conscience. I’ll tell you what I wouldn’t have though, and that’s a dead guy in a barely concealed crypt beneath the floor. That’s just fuckin’ creepy.


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